Reflection

Hey y’all!

Wow, it’s been forever. I’m sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth as of lately. I feel like I have been overwhelmed with feelings, life, travel, and school. I’ve been trying to get my thoughts together and share a post that is meaningful rather than throwing something together that has no real substance. So, here I go….

I’ve been facing a lot of questions and fears about life recently and it is scary and overwhelming. I recently took a trip back to Oregon, where I was born and raised. I was so excited to go back and visit all of my friends and family. It had been a year since I was last in Oregon and I have never been away from where I grew up for more than a few weeks. I grew up in a small town around a really tight knit group of people. The tiny town and my clique became my security blanket. I had always wanted to get out and expand my horizon, but when I finally did, it was scary and intimidating. I left everything and everyone I had ever known and I did it for the best reason in the world. I moved to be closer to the love of my life. I do have moments where I have a bit of a pity party, especially when I’m feeling lost. However, going back to Oregon gave me a whole new perspective on my life at home.

When I arrived in Oregon I revisited all the pain that I had stuffed into the bubble that I called my world for so long. I felt the pain of losing three of my closest relatives. I unwillingly revisited the places in which these losses occurred or were significant to the loss. I relived these tragedies like I was watching a movie. I was anxious with fear and panic about running into toxic unkind people I didn’t want to see. I have created a very safe space for myself and I find comfort and joy in that. I didn’t realize how sweet my life is until I went to revisit my old stomping grounds. There are, of course, people that I wish I could stuff in my suitcase and take with me; and those people will always be a part of my life no matter where I am. The awareness travel can bring into life is incredible. It is a feeling that must be experienced, because no level of description can bring the power that the feeling itself brings.

What I learned from my 3 weeks in Oregon is that I can still find comfort and friendship there. I still have my safety net and the people that have seen me through so much. I learned that at this point in my life I have that and so much more. I’m overjoyed and blessed with the life I live and though I may still grieve and struggle, I’m doing the best I know how to do. I know that my best will only get better and better. Life is about baby steps and achieving one goal at a time. No one gives any of us a manual on how to survive life or how to raise our children, inevitably we are all going to screw up and stumble, but that’s ok. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind and be who you are, no matter what. I’m often too afraid to just say exactly what I mean and it tends to bite me in the ass more often than not. It’s ok to do weird quirky things just because they make you feel better. Let me help you feel better about yourself…

Sometimes I sit at home alone, in my unused wedding dress and I cry. I cry a lot. This sounds like a really sad pathetic moment that I’m sharing with you, and trust me I have plenty of sad pathetic moments, but this isn’t one of them. This moment for me is cleansing and happy. The reason I do this is because it is a way for me to bring my future into today…just for a little while. I reflect on my life and all the ugly that I have survived to get to the point that I am at now. I rejoice in the fact that I have met a man that respects me, loves me, and can stare my demons down. I have a difficult time trusting and letting my walls down, but if anyone in this world deserves my trust and wall-less-ness (I made that word up, deal with it!) it is Chris. This moment is a way for me to be grateful and give thanks to the universe that I have someone in my life to wear this beautiful dress for. I can be selfish and a huge pain in the ass, but in these moments I’m full of love, joy, pride, and endless amounts of gratitude that the whole universe conspired to bring this man into my life.

Get out there, get weird, get authentic, and be you! Take time to reflect and enjoy life!

K

Google+

Kaysha Comfort