Health, Happiness, and my crazy antics!

Hello, happy babes!

So I’m dreading the next 21 days…because I’m being put on a…WAIT FOR IT…allergy diet cleanse. Yeah, that was a mouthful. I had a blood panel done, and well…everything came back out of whack - just what I wanted to hear! I’m actually really excited about doing this cleanse though, because if I can get rid of some of the nasty toxins that are guaranteed to be lurking in my body, then I am game. I hardly drink, so that won’t be hard, however, I’m sure since I cannot drink…I will be craving wine all 21 days! haha!

The only thing I can have for 21 days is fruit and vegetables…which really doesn’t sound that hard, but I cannot have any dressings or dipping sauces…NOTHING! No sauteed veggies - only boring steamed ones with nothing to smother them in and make them fatty and delicious! Also, No caffeine…I know, process that one with me for a minute. I might kill someone in the next 21 days and I swear it won’t be my fault. I’m drinking my last cup of coffee as we speak. It’s like death row over here. Death row? haha. Really drama queen? - yep, that just happened.

I have one more day of freedom and then I become a some kind of strange non meat, non caffeine, non fun eating lunatic! I’m eating good today…but damn it, I’m spending my last day with caffeine in my life…no matter what anyone says. I’m only eating fruits and veggies today as well, but I’m going to enjoy one last day of olive oil and balsamic drizzle all over my salad - topped off with truffle salt and cracked pepper. I’m drooling now! Oh, and did I mention the only other thing besides water that I get to drink is prescription strength vitamin cleanse drinks..you heard me, prescription strength.

I figure this is a great time to get all my ducks in a row healthwise…who am I kidding, I’ll be bat shit crazy for the rest of my life, but hey, I could at least look good doing it.

As much as I hate to admit it…sometimes I smoke cigarettes. I know, shame, shame, shame. Don’t judge me…cause sometimes I do it a lot of the time. I’ve been tapering off the last week…which has been easy because my dad came to visit and he chews my ass like I’m a teenager if he catches me smoking. I’m literally still afraid of getting in trouble with my dad. I figure if I’m going to do this toxin cleanse then why in the world would I keep smoking…kinda defeats the purpose of the cleanse. What I’m trying to slowly beat around the bush to is….. I’m going to quit smoking, for good. I’m saying this publicly so that it holds me accountable, not to mention I have one tough Doctor chicky on my hiney! SCARY! So today I will be in the fetal position all day, with a caffeine IV drip, chain smoking until this pack of cigarettes I just bought are gone. Ok, I’m just kidding…or am I?…you will never know, and I will never tell.

I also have this really embarrassing obsessive compulsive habit of weighing myself a minimum of 5 times a day…Ok, it’s probably more like 10, but hey, who is counting anyways? Oh wait…My doctor, she is counting. She told me that I have to hide my scale and lock it up. I kind of wanted to punch her when she said that…at the same time I wanted to hug her, suck my thumb, and cry uncontrollably. This is scary. I know this may sound dumb, but think of your one secret weird vice and imagine someone taking it away, you would panic too! Then again maybe you wouldn’t and I’m in my own little cray cray universe trying to validate my feelings for my scale. Either way I’m not too happy about it. However, I know that it isn’t healthy and it’s time to let go of all the unhealthy habits and stop putting it off until a tomorrow that seems to never come. The time is right now and I need to get my shit together, buck up, and do it! I’m an avid calorie counter on top of all the other stupid things I do…and my doctor said no more of that as well - sheesh, I can’t have any fun.

All joking aside, this is a great time to change my lifestyle and get healthy. I would like this ol’ body of mine to hang in there a while longer. I’ve struggled with my weight and eating disorders for as long as I can remember and it’s no way to live. It’s dangerous and quite miserable. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re too big or too small, eat this or eat that, work out more or work out less…at the end of the day moderation is key, with most everything in life. It is not anyone else’s business to tell you how to look, act, be…whatever. If you’re healthy, happy, and feel good then that is what is most important. You know the saying, “what you think of me is none of my business.” Well, it’s true. The most important opinion is your own, you’re the only person that has to spend 100% of the time with you, so you might as well enjoy it! I need to look in the mirror when I’m saying all this, because the truth is I need to do the same thing. I am completely conscious and aware and it’s a battle, a damn hard battle, every single day.

Instead of my zeroing in on the negative of this cleanse, no caffeine, no calorie counting, no scale, no meat…etc. I can look at the positive and focus my energy on that…how lucky am I that I get to go to this badass doctor that is trying to sort out all my issues and really genuinely cares? I’m so beyond stoked for this next chapter in my life and all the beautiful things I am going to learn about myself in the next 21 days, because I am open to learning I know the universe will teach me all I need to know. I look forward to respecting myself more and being happy to see that woman in the mirror that is staring back at me.

Cheers to vitamin shakes, water, and more water!

Chat soon.

K